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July 7, 2015
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Lifepain dukkha

Some decade ago, I had these repeating thoughts about social issues, started discussing them with close friends, only to be called unrealistic. One even said he had no idea I was a socialist – I had no idea what socialism meant. Began searching for books to quench my thirst on these matters, and Thomas Moore’s “Utopia” had me smiling because I finally found someone who understood what many could not, what I could not explain in “logical” terminology, because some things are not mathematical by nature, but only the product of centuries of human injustice and survival supremacy, things that were forced to be normal. I no longer felt the need to explain myself, to “convert” others.

Since a few years now, I found myself moving to more existential thinking, a natural phenomena in the aging process, finding meaning and fighting the nonsense of everything. What helped me is primitive thinking, reverting back to the condition of life which is to support one’s body and move with time towards … more thinking and ultimately, death. I could not care if I failed, left, did not receive what I wanted, I just thought that I could survive anyway. This whole system of life that we’re in is simply a result of the unquenchable human greed and curiosity – the long quest for that illusive meaning which became the meaning. What kind of answer are we expecting anyway … I never thought I would ask that to God, I know the answer is not a scientific truth, but a universal truth which every Man writes his own definition.

I have no clue which terms to use to describe my approach, the *isms merged and what bound them was lifepain. Looking for answers for problems you cannot explain create turmoil on the inside. Unsatisfied by nothing in particular and specifically everything, you begin to accept this recurrent feeling as part of you. Trying to explain this to anyone makes you a negative pessimist who does not appreciate anything. I have struggled against this because I strongly feel. When did introspective become angry? When did suffering become an unusual part of the human condition?

Dukkha, I wish someone taught you to me earlier in life. The most spiritually enlightened are realistic and do not ignore lifepain because it is a unsatisfying energy. They focus on it because it is a fact, a truth. Saying it is “negative” is simply refusing to accept its very reality. Acknowledging it is … normal and necessary.